every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
