i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wish my penis had a tongue
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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