I don't usually arrange sex via text message
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
