Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
