I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
