hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
