I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He felt like a one man threesome
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
