just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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