My nipple is on Facebook.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
