So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
