dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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