They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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