so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning