A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.