no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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