Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
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I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans