I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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