im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
