i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize