Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
