just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
