when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
