Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
