dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
