Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I did not marry a roomba.
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