I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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