Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he puts the penis in happiness.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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