Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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