We won't sleep together?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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