I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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