I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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