I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
