real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
