you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
