we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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