I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
