I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
