I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
