You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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