You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
