listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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