Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
