So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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