I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
