Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
