I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
