he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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