dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
