So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
