no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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