why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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