I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
