I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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