I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize