I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
