If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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