I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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