that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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