Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
