i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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