Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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