and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
