loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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