i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
