You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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