I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
