I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
