Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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