i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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