Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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