just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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