I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
from now on my penis is your penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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