I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
