I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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